Sunday, December 23, 2012


I keep telling everyone that I am okay. Honestly, I'm not. Why I'm writing this on my blog is beyond me. Except, I know it will be preserved for another time. I sincerely wish I had kept a journal of our journey with Alzheimers.

Tomorrow is Christmas eve and for the life of me, I am remembering Christmas's past. For the past month all I could think about is Don and Alzheimer's. The rushing, talking, care taking....the death.  Now, all of a sudden, I am remembering before the dreaded disease invaded our lives. Simply stated, it's awful. Today, I cried all day. Didn't matter what, I just cried. I hate to do that and wish it were different. Christmas? It's not a fun time. I have an invitation to a neighbor's for Christmas eve dinner. How much fun would I be if I sat there and cried? Christmas day another friend wants me to join their family. What a downer that would be for them with my sadness. I think I need to go outside and pray to God to give me some peace. Maybe I will pray inside as it is freezing outside, and snowing.       


Elaine Akers said...

Barbara..I wish there were words that could take away your pain.I am sending you a big cyber hugs. Dealing with death is never easy.

Go to your neighbors and if you what,they will understand and be there to support you. Don't stay home and be alone as I'm sure Don wouldn't want that for you.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.

Debbie Dement said...

I wish I was with you, But please Know that I love you very much and you can call any time day or night I feel your pain Please call
Love Debbie

Joanne Huffman said...

I'm so sorry that your sorrow is so hard and overpowering. I hope that time tempers it and that the good memories start to bring some peace and even some joys to you.

Anonymous said...

My heart is breaking for you...hang in there, things will get easier as time goes by !!!
Call me anytime my dear friend, I will be always here for you !!!
Sending Love and Hugs
Liane :-)